Happy mid-autumn festival. I don’t have as much time to write today as yesterday. Need to work and print some lithophanes for Eugene.
In the morning, I tried (successfully) to grind out a PR so that I had time to head to UCalgary for lunch. I went out to UCalgary’s dining center with Mom today for lunch; the food was awful. But it was still notable because she and grandpa used to work there for $5/hr and it used to cost $6/hr to go to eat there a few decades ago. The food was pretty expensive too; $16 per person. It tasted dreadful; they literally gave me a french toast sandwich with HAM inside. So bad.
I always feel a bit privileged when I’m with Vivi. She doesn’t even have mobile data — her phone plan is completely free but texting only, no data. I remember how much of a quality of life bump when I got mobile data for the first time in like, 2019? I think if she was genuinely my gf I’d just get her the Fido $10/4gb plan because that’s such a mutually good quality of life bump since we can communicate more. I’d feel genuinely really bad if she ever paid for something. And I really want to help her see more of the world. It makes me realize how fortunate I am, and her character is only more impressive to me relative to her upbringing.
We talked about more controversial topics again; she brought up if rape was ever the woman’s fault. Her argument was that if you wore a gold chain in the hood and got robbed, that’s kinda your fault; so some nonzero fault of a woman getting raped was the woman’s fault. I was like “wtf literally never thought of this, was told by society it was 100/0” but she’s right… wtf… We also talked about if women have it easy. I brought up some stats from Scott Alexander’s post on Hypergamy — that even attractive women don’t tend to marry richer, but rather, the income of one’s parents mostly determines who one marries. Each quadrant of (rich, poor) (ugly, pretty) marries each other, and stays generally the same. We talked about how while population level statistics are fascinating and useful for research purposes, they’re kinda useless for decision making personally because it’s probably not that predictive. We talked about whether we’d rather be a boy/girl, and the benefits/jealous aspects we had of both. We talked about etiquette in friendships and how girls had much more physical touch and emotional closeness in their friendships. We talked about the courtship process for both genders. We talked about our thoughts on institutional marriage and how millennials are not getting married. She made it clear that wanting a life partner and wanting institutional marriage were two extremely separate things. We told each other our most formative moments in our life; most embarrassing, etc. I had intended to spend 2 hours together, then go home and work, but by the first time I checked my watch, we’d spend some 5.5 hours talking, in the same place, sitting beside each other, shoulders touching subtly. She said I sighed a lot. I think I usually sigh more when I’m comfortable; I don’t really know why I do it around her to be honest.
Oh, and of course, the ex conversation — not at all what I expected. By she said she wasn’t sure if she was completely over him, I thought it was something super recent/long term. They dated 2 years ago, and broke up over a year ago (aug 2023). But her ex sounds genuinely terrible; they wouldn’t spend quality time together for 2mo, he was unwilling to show PDA, and seemed literally mentally retarded; she would ask a question and he would say “i don’t know”, then she’d give him time to think, ask him later, and he’d say the same. I found that pretty funny, but she was always curious why he didn’t have thought; I think it’s a case of “it’s not that deep”. But yea as a whole, she seems mostly over him, and it’s been adequately long time that I don’t think anything of it. If she returns to her ex, there’s probably nothing I could have done and it’d be pretty stupid anyways. But we also talked about our perspectives. We both agreed we had taken things a bit fast. I really didn’t want to be friend-zoned so I moved physicality faster than I’d be comfortable with, and also motivated by the timeline of returning to SF. Also, the fact that she mostly reciprocated made things easier and tended to be faster; it’s like rolling a stone down a hill vs up. But now that things are adequately clear and unambiguous, I’m less worried about it, and happy to take things slow and well, use words to make things clearer. We should get to truly know each other in every context before taking things further; especially how things work out long distance. I get the feeling she worries that she’d be “too much” for me or that I won’t have time for her. But I’ve also been told that by other people, so I think we’d fit fine. And if Nish/Justin can make long distance work for 2 years as a cofounder, surely I can too. I like “too much”. I think I’d handle clingy/needy really well. I mean, no way she’s more clingy than my freakin DOG and I love her to bits.
We also talked about more meta topics. About how we definitely didn’t know each other’s true self yet. Icks (hers were eating pomegranate seeds individually, not wanting to text first, not having table manners). We were both worried about what happened when we ran out of topics to talk about — there is a saying among writers, “you have your whole life to write your first book, and one year to write your second”. But we both stated that this was only a small part of the appeal of one another; moreso of worldview. I was curious, so I asked her why she took an interest in me in the first place. She said she thought I was cute. w.t.f. I was so incredibly astounded that such a pretty person would think I am cute enough to have interest??? But also that even in our short conversations at badminton, she could tell that I had some form of aura/smart. She said that she had asked her ex out — so she was fine/used to initiating. I’m flattered, and I think my confidence/ego just bumped like 20%. I literally just started dressing better + taking care of myself and I’m sure that’ll progress over time too.
She also mentioned how our first date stressed her out; she normally doesn’t like going to fancy places like The Keg and was fairly confused, and was looking at the menu fairly worried. And especially when she went in; she mentioned she was really tense (which I didn’t perceive at all). But I’m thankful for the feedback and honestly nothing I really thought about; it was a $51usd meal for 2pp with 20% tip, plus I had a gift card so… really not insane at all? But I guess she doesn’t like to owe people and generally doesn’t eat out. She also mentioned she was open minded to it though, which I really appreciated.
SHE ALSO CORRECTED THE WAY I SAY HER NAME WTFFF all her friends say “veevee” so I did as well. But it’s “vivee”, as in “vivian” without the “an”. SO stupid, how did I not know this, I should have just asked…
I asked her if she ate and she said that she knew she was going to see me today, so ate some chicken rice for breakfast. But it was 7pm, and so I insisted we get some food from Mac hall. We ended up getting some sacrilegious vietnamese sub from a place. It was 7usd; how is the food at Mac hall so cheap?! But quite tasty, vietnamese sub carrots are second to none. I fought her to pay again hahaha. She was super appreciative as usual. I’m really thankful to have a non material girl.
Even though she’s not a future planner, we couldn’t help but talk about it a bit in the end — when would I be back? Is there any world in which she/her mom would come to SF? I’m still trying pretty hard not to attach any expectations. If this is it, I can appreciate what we had while we had it. The past week has been a lot of fun; I’ve learned a lot too. I can appreciate it in any context.
Overall pretty cute times. I really enjoyed it, it was super low-key. Almost felt everyday-life-ish. At the end, I said hi to her parents as they picked her up; they seemed really quite happy to see me. She asked if I wanted a hug, and we shared a really satisfying embrace as we parted ways.
I really like being around her. It feels safe, completely unmasked, and I really like touch. Even just that we’re leaning a bit into each other or our knees touch, is really… endearing. It’s so subtle.
I played badminton for the last time in Calgary today before heading to SF. Tomorrow Vivi is busy so I get to spend my day working/tryharding O-1 again. I’m actually super excited to go to SF; I’m in pretty good shape running wise, and ~9lbs lighter than when I left SF. I have a lot of stuff I bought that’s in SF at the moment that I’m excited for (a new knife, a ton of clothes, some fragrances). And of course… Paradigm Fellowship with the GAAAAAANG. And I get to see Seva, who’ll be in SF the week after Paradigm.