Cat tweeted this today which kinda made me think; do I even remember these? It’s kinda insane the level of recency bias; Aug 5 2024 felt like a massive drop but I straight up don’t remember the rest, even if they felt super significant at the time. And Aug 5 2024 felt like the biggest drop in my net worth (apart from LUNA, but that was stupid/doesn’t count since I just 2x longed my entire $REDACTED DYDX account in LUNA lmao, so stupid)
I’m quite often surprised at my own recency bias. When I face problems, or am pissed off, or I do something smart, it always feels more significant than the past occurrences; but then when I genuinely reflect upon it, I remember so many worse/more significant scenarios. “it’s never as good or as bad as it seems” etc etc
Pumped out a decent amount of PR’s today for a refactor of the way we handle our RPC endpoint backups. I wrote it mostly from memory on Blowfish’s patterns; it’s at times like these where I go “man, literally who else in the entire world can write this code as fast/efficiently as i can?” Like, I’ve written something similar so many times that I just have the optimal design pattern in my head, as well as the context of how the rest of the codebase is, and I can just “zero-shot” it optimally in an hour. It’s times like these that I really enjoy coding and feel like I’m super useful/needed. I really enjoy feeling non-fungibly needed; that nobody else in the world can do what I do.
Hmm quite an interesting day outside of work. Went to badminton with Nolan and his friends. Met some new people, most notably Vivian (my moms name, lol). She was super outgoing and friendly; she first walked up to me and said “wait you’re stanley… right?” (I think we met late 2023 or early 2024 last?! which is insane memory). And then she asked to play mixed, so we played mixed doubles for the rest of the session; she’d ask me how the games went afterward, and at the end, she said my shoes were “cute”.
We went to lunch afterwards with Nolan, and he dropped me and Vivian off home; I asked for her insta at the end. She’s super pretty and also in CS, but I found myself questioning everything. It got me thinking about wtf I’m trying to achieve if I was trying to date in Calgary; I’d have to be long distance for the most part for the next few years, so is there really any point? But not sure if I’m misinterpreting things or not, in general. The last time I thought someone was remotely interested was a complete misinterpretation of someone whose personality was natively just super flirty (but it worked out?). I’m gaslighting myself on both “yes” and “no” here somehow.
But what is there to do? My final outcome is a life partnership/marriage, so why even bother? What am I trying to get out of dating someone in Calgary at all, ever? So I guess for now it’s not the time. Maybe it’s moreso time to learn social dynamics and practice being a bit bold and do plausibly deniable things, and have zero expectations of outcomes.
The cafe I’m writing this in closes at 8pm, and it’s 9pm now. So I thought I got locked in, but I went downstairs and the owner’s still here, so we’re gucci. It’s just us two grinding away.
Honestly it feels kinda meme that I’m tryna push PR’s late at night on a Sunday. I saw some tweet that was like, “another early 20s weekend night wasted. good thing i have infinitely many more of these”. I occasionally think of that quote when I’m working on weekends. And also that one powerpoint slide that contains “top 5 regrets of the dying” and one of them is “Working too much”. But honestly those people only think that because their life was NGMI and I’m (probably) not going to die young, and I have nothing better to do, so fuck it we grind. There’s no regretting work if you build something of consequence.
Felt great today! Probably the best day I’ve had since pre-wisdom teeth? Maybe since I started the journal tbh? Was productive, met people and had satisfying yapping, had fun at badminton. Great day !